I SHOULD VS. I WANT / by Ryann Hanes

If you know me, you have probably heard me say: "I would rather be at home taking a bath and hugging my cats". 

I use this phrase when I am uninspired by someone or something. It's my compass and filter that I use to determine what's worth my time and what isn't. 

So often in life we can be pulled forwards and backwards and side to side. Spending our time out to dinner with people we don't particularly like and working for companies and people that don't light us up inside simply because it's what's come up or because we feel like it's what we "should" do. 

A short time after we moved to LA, I made the conscious decision to step away from the hustle of trying to get into a desirable studio- I was tired of playing the game- of taking class at studios, making relationships and *hoping* I would get an audition for a regular class on the schedule. I wanted to know why someone couldn't just see the value in what I did- why they couldn't just determine my skills based off of- ahem- my SKILLS and not who I know and where I have been and how many followers I have on instagram. I totally get plugging into a community and I definitely wanted to do that- but not in a rushed, try 1 million studios a month manner. I just wanted it all to feel natural and not forced. I started to really listen into my inner dialogue to observe when my thoughts shifted from "I want to ____" to "I should ____".

This was an ah-ha! Moment. Anytime should presents itself- either in your own dialogue towards yourself or others or in someone's dialogue towards you- THERE IS JUDGEMENT.

Let me repeat that: Anytime you use the word SHOULD- you are judging yourself or others. In my opinion, noticing this in your life is the first step towards internal and external contentment and ease. 

So, I set a deal with myself- no more shoulds. I wasn't going to seek out relationships with anyone that I didn't genuinely want to hear what they had to say. I wasn't going to go out of my way to prove anything- I was just going to continue doing good work, teaching any opportunity that presented itself that I wanted to do and work to create a world and a life that was based on ease rather than proving worth. 

This has been such a great journey- Throughout the process of stepping away from this hustle- I have had really enjoyed seeing what presents itself. As it turns out, when you do the things you like- you enjoy yourself and end up around people you like which makes you more successful at what you do. I have connected and attracted good humans that I genuinely like and can honestly say most everything I do now is equivalent to the happiness I get from taking a bath and hugging my cats- although not simultaneously. 

That's why I wanted to share this with you! Because isn't ease what we all want in life? Don't we want to feel that soft flux between work and play between responsibility and fun. 

Of course there's the balance between making a living/making things happen and waiting for things to happen to you- that's not what I am talking about here- I am talking about removing the expectation of being a certain way and doing certain things and listening in to what you truly, really want to be doing with your energy, resources and time. 

We all have this dichotomy- of what we should do and what we want to do. Not just in our careers but life in general. As we begin to craft the life that we want and a life that we love, noticing our "shoulds"  is the first step. 

Make today full of what you WANT.